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Jeff B w4m I don't know if you have or will ever see my post. It's likely that I never cross your mind. It's been several years, but I still think of you often. I was afraid to admit vulnerability when I had the chance. I fell in love with you the first time we met, and it has never gone away. I was waiting for things to go wrong because I felt I didn't deserve you, and I take the blame for letting others influence my decision. You had roommates that wanted to hurt us both, and they got their way because I chose to believe them rather than confront you. I have to live with that regret for the rest of my life, knowing that I hurt us both because of my insecurities. I hear "our" song and want to break down, but have to tell myself that you probably don't even remember it. I see the ring you gave me, but have to tell myself that you probably don't remember why you gave it to me. I see things that you don't even know about, and have to tell myself that one bad choice changed so much. I still hope to run into you around town, but am fairly certain that you never come back to this place.
I have 2 addresses for you in Hammond, but I doubt either is current. I have no way of driving up there to find out. I contacted a couple of relatives, and only one responded, letting me know they had no way of contacting you. There are things you should have heard then that I was too afraid to open up to you about. I have lots of regrets in my life, but the only one I'd change if given a chance is the mistake I made with you. This is the only outlet I have to even hope of ever letting you know what I wanted to say. I've had a lot of people do wrong by me in my life, and all I wanted from that is just one of them to apologize or admit they had done wrong. But it isn't what WE think we deserve. It's what THEY think we deserve. And I think you need to know that you deserved so much better than that.
I screwed up, Jeff. I am more sorry naughty ladies want hot sex Little Rock Arkansas for that than you will ever know. I know our lives are so much different than they were when you were here. I have a good idea of what happened with you since then. I want you to know that it doesn't make me think less of you or think of you less often. If you do ever see this, I am begging you just to let me know that you are okay. I know I don't deserve it, but I'd rather have you as a friend than not have you in my life at all. Even if all you have to say to me is to stop looking for you, that would be more closure than what I have now. There's a lot I want to tell you and ask you, but I'd be happy enough hearing anything from you. I guess I'm in panic mode because I don't know how long I've been given, but I don't want to die holding onto the regret that I didn't even try to make things right. Maybe knowing that if it's read by anyone, then someone somewhere will know that I felt this way. I have been in love with you since we were 16, but let it get away because I didn't believe anyone could care about me. You got hurt in the process, and that follows me everywhere. I don't know what else to say from there. I love you, and I miss you terribly.

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